At 9 o'clock in the morning,
I sat down at my desk.
It was because I had to send
the manuscript today
that was requested two weeks ago.
I had to take the subway early on Friday.
I usually couldn't think of anything
on Saturday and Sunday.
'Why would I bring up this person...'
I feel sorry for his personal history,
but some victims often use
their as a victim expect to benefit.
I had to recall the context of the
"Koreans doing this and that".
Nonsense generated
by his defense mechanism.
She asked me to fill in two A4s,
I dragged new word into the page.
It's fun to write, even if it's nonsense.
It didn't take long to fill in two pages.
But later, when I look at these pages again,
it makes me think deeply
about the state of mine when I typed this.
'What the hell were you thinking
about writing this?'
Finish writing quickly
then I had work to do.
I had to hurry up to make a present
for him.
I was sure that I had to give him something
to remember me
even if he left me somewhere
so that I should bear my soaring emotions
on my own.
The paints that I took out
after a long time was all dry.
The blue I once fell in love with
was still by my side.
I believe that blue eyes are
the guardian talisman
that protects me on my behalf.
I think we are isolated too often
and can't hold out any longer.
We just have to stay put and see
what happens.
That's all.
Of course, hungry and dizzy.
but I am facing the world with the door open.
Then something happens when you see it.
So let's wait and see.
Worry and vigilance will be done by blue eyes.
The white stone became
a shiny stone with blue eyes.
'What if he would not coming tomorrow?'
Did he hurt his feelings by
my selfish message sent yesterday?
I found out later that he was a trans.
I swiped his Instagram in front of him,
but I only found his photos handsome,
pointing to some photos and
shout "You are cool".
I did swiped photos of his past.
Only later I did see his past.
If I had known his past that
I had swiped in front of him,
I would have been surprised.
Of course, and I said it didn't matter.
Maybe he thought
I might find out he is a transgender.
But I wasn't trying to figure out
his secrets or his private life.
I just wanted to see
handsome picture, nice picture.
It was too simple of me.
I only knew later that he is a trans.
when looking at the Instagram photo
slowly, I saw what
he wanted to say with difficulty.
He was a man with surgery marks
on his chest,
it was probably his own choice
years from now.
As soon as I realized he was a trance,
I started rummaging through
a lot of my words.
I don't like the awkward air
or process of ice breaking, so talk a lot.
But I couldn't remember everything
I said.
Even if my words were neglected,
I meant the time I spent with him.
As soon as I first saw him,
I felt special of him,
I focused on him.
I'd say some crap, but,
'oh please he couldn't remember them.'
